October 5, 2008

The Sour Age

Jack Skunk

The Truth Hurts Edition

Hello everyone. The first week is now history. For those of you unfamiliar with me, think of me as that kind, supportive friend who speaks the truth. Sure, you may not have asked, but like all good friends, I’m a bit sociopathic. Though I’m sure it’s nice to have feelings, I have chosen to live by a code, a set of principles that shape my world view. Here’s just a few of them:

1. Never talk to food (I can’t stress this enough!)

2. Some people win, and some people lose.

3. Jack Skunk is right. Always.

Now that we understand each other, let’s get this thing done.

Results

Royal Blue over Black, 15-8: The Black team was on the ropes from the start since they were playing savage. I really don’t have anything to add.

Red over Green, 15-6: In the Christmas game, it looked like it would be a brilliant contest with Coleman and Miguel going head to head. Green jumped to an early lead after a dropped pull by Alex “I have too kissed a Girl” Hill. After that though, it was all red, all the time. Speed was the key. Did the Lieutenant stack his team? I’m thinking yes.

Silver over Gold, 15-9: Though I wanted to call this the “precious metals” game, I can’t. Instead, it was glacially slow. Silver (I believe) took half, 8-7. Afterwards, Silver concentrated on shutting down Fernando “Cartel” Lugo, earning them a 7-2 run, and so that was that.

White over Navy, 15-12: This was probably the only interesting game of the night, as White and Navy slugged it out over 27 points. In the end, the game was decided when Anne Baker stepped up and grabbed the game winning score. Now that’s cooking!

Jack’s Rankings:

1. (1-0) Red my Lips, No New Taxes! You guys were my number two seed, but your performance against Green was dominating. I predict that you’ll cruise in meaningless games, and then choke in the Semis. Cheers!

2. (1-0) Silversun Pick-ups. You handled Gold, but honestly, Gold is a fairly soft metal. What does that mean? I know that I’m overrating you, but it’s early, so what the hell? I’ll see you in the B-Bracket!

3. (1-0) Royal Blue Tannenbaums- Oh bravo. You beat Black without any of their many A+ players. I’m sure you’re proud. Still, you were my pre-season number one, so I can’t drop you below three- but I want to. Oh… I want to.

4. (1-0) Whiter Shade of Pale- I rank you as number 4 only out of ignorance. I think you’ve got some depth, but there are so many unknowns. For example, will Leathers perform the way he can? He just might. And Santa might show up next Christmas, but don’t wait up.

5. (0-1) Black Velveteen Rabbit- I won’t beat you up, but let’s face it boys and girls- you’re stacked to the rafters. How’d you pull that off Czar? How? It doesn’t matter who you play- you win next week. Guaranteed.

6. (0-1) Deep Navy Blue Something- You guys are a mystery to me. I have no clue where you fall in the grand scheme of things. Consider yourselves the redheaded step-child I never had or ever paid attention to.

7. (0-1) Gold, Nature’s first Green- Not a Frost fan? Nevermind. You guys were short, but a loss is a loss is a loss. I think you have the potential to lose the rest of your games much closer. Aim high!

8. (0-1) The Green Lantern- Welcome to the basement. Now keep in mind, you’ll have plenty of chances to prove yourself against Gold, and um…. Did I say Gold? Call me when you break double-digits.

Look for predictions later this week.

Jack Skunk, the skunk of skunks